Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
