Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
