He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
