he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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