The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
