Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
