I CAN MOONWALK!
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
