Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
