Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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