I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
