I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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