we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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