I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
