he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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