Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
