Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
