She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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