Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
