Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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