Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
