Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
