So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
