There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
