you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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