Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
