White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Someone came in the potted fern
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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