We won't sleep together?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
