If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
