If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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