Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
