I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He did a backflip because drugs
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
