She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
