apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
