I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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