don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
