can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You pole danced in your parka.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
