Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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