thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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