Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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