white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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