i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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