I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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