Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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