i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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