just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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