Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
