well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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