I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
