Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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