I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
