can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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