Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She needs sedatives and a leash
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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