We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
